why I need to leave my exes alone

I started writing this piece yesterday morning with so much zeal and then halfway through I couldn’t quite get there. My writer’s climax had eluded me so I left it. Last night a video of two exes speaking face to face about a relationship destroyed by one party’s cheating went viral so I thought yea let’s just post this maybe.

One minute I say I don’t need closure, the next it’s all I can think about. Sometimes I simply can’t seem to let go. I find myself so embedded in past relationships and looking for answers it’s almost an obsession.

I’ve often shared my story about falling in love with someone I used to work with and how much agony I felt went the friendship went south and he went on and got married. I never ever got closure in that situation and whilst it would have been nice to have had a conversation about why things got painfully awkward and bitter at the very end I have to remember that closure isn’t for everyone. That is the bottom-line. Whilst you’re desperately seeking answers which you have imagined will unlock that cleverly hidden gate to self-discovery, you exes maybe don’t want to hear it. Out of sight and out of mind and certainly out of reach for that heart to heart.

I’ve maintained friendly relationships with many exes/people I’ve dated or liked because for the most part I’ve genuinely liked them. Beyond the tongue flicks in the ear (wait what) and the ‘I’m coming to take it all off’ texts, I have genuinely liked them. What I should do more of is respect the fact that maybe they don’t want to have conversations about the past.

Even in situations where I’ve called things off or I’ve ghosted I still find myself trying to reel an ex into my web of ‘how can better communication heal broken hearts’ experiment. And that’s not fair at all, because maybe they’re looking for more than a conversation, more ear licks maybe (wait huh).

Every now and again these, ‘let’s talk about the past’ conversations have led to awesome revelations that a friendship can exist regardless of the fact that I know what that tongue do . This doesn’t mean we’re setting up coffee dates for every last Friday of every month, it just means that maybe we can let go of some of that hurt and maybe we can learn a lesson or two, for the future.



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