what my failed romantic relationships have taught me

Whilst my biggest heart breaks this year have come from platonic friendships, things on the romantic side of town haven’t been all that exciting. Failed romantic pursuits have always come with a lesson for me and I thoroughly enjoy dissecting my past relationships- albeit sometimes too obsessively.

I feel like I’m often choosing people who don’t choose me and if I’m being honest there are many times people choose me and I don’t choose them. C’est la vie.

Through heartbreak and tears and copious amounts of vegan and non-vegan chocolate, here are some things my failed romantic relationships have taught me:

  • I have my panic mode on- ALWAYS: Is he bored already? Am I sexy enough? Does he think I’m ambitious enough? Will he notice I’m not particularly confident about my style? All weird thoughts if you ask me because on the surface I like to think I come across as confident and self-assured. If anything, my failed romantic pursuits have unearthed a hidden part of myself which is rife with insecurity. The good part about that is where relationships have failed I’ve noticed that my need to be perfect was at an all-time high. Avoiding people who make you feel like you’re not good enough is key. Who wants to be with someone they can’t be themselves around? I don’t need to have the best body, the best style or the most exciting life to maintain a healthy romantic relationship! I am enough.
  • My friends are important to me- I have some incredible friends from whom there is no shortage of love and affection. I am lucky to have a haven where even on my worst days I feel loved and safe. Failed romantic pursuits have taught me that whilst a romantic relationship would be awesome right now, I can enjoy a fulfilled life by strengthening other bonds. It can be easy to lose yourself in a romantic relationship to the detriment of other relationships and sometimes it’s not long before you’re crawling back to your friends with your tail between your legs!
  • It is okay to ask for what you want- Now I’m not talking about a range rover or an all-expenses paid trip to Dubai…which don’t get it twisted would be amazing. If I ever felt like I was asking for too much by asking for affection or attention it was always almost my cue to bounce. Asking for affection and time and care from someone who truly wants to be with you should never feel like a chore or make you feel insecure. Failed romantic pursuits have taught me that communication is everything. We don’t all speak the same love language- and actually that’s okay, maybe your lover doesn’t like calls and texts – but if that’s what makes your fanny tingle maybe finding someone who speaks the same love language as you is vital!
  • I am resilient beyond measure- I’ll be honest, I no longer like to wear resilience as a badge of honour and I’m still unlearning this. I grew up thinking that if a romantic relationship wasn’t rife with pain and tears and heartache then it just wasn’t ‘real’ enough. Failed romantic relationships have taught me that this is bull shit. I spent days doubting myself, nights crying myself to sleep and drifting through life in a perpetual state of anxiety. No sooner had I gushed about a potential fella, he was galivanting about town and acting a fool. I’m receptive to the right kind of love, the kind that doesn’t make me feel anxious and one that doesn’t require me to be resilient. But I am! And I’m grateful to failed pursuits for showing me that when times get rocky I CAN and WILL put myself back together again.

It’s okay to navigate the romantic side of life with uncertainty, it’s not okay to make it synonymous with pain and suffering. You are enough X 10~ Namaste


1 Comment

  1. Kofi
    June 18, 2018 / 4:47 pm

    For what it’s worth, we all have a panic mode. He is probably asking himself the same questions too. That should put your mind at ease. At the end of the day we’re all just humans trying to get by.
    Interesting post!

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