‘The grind doesn’t sleep’ ‘Go hard or go home’ ‘Show up and show out’- all quotes we hear constantly which indicate that life is or should be a never-ending battle and a fight to the death. Whilst I like the idea of working hard and chasing one’s dreams by any means necessary, I am acutely aware that this type of mentality can affect my mental well-being and peace of mind.
The day I checked my Law school results, I drank two bottles of wine all before 12 noon because I couldn’t face failing. I had re-sat my business law exam and I had to pass, otherwise I would be doing it all over again- and that simply wasn’t an option. I passed, thankfully and spent the rest of the day sobbing my eyes out and trying to mitigate my eventual hangover.
The pressure to be a responsible member of society, financially and socially successful had taken its toll on me. I knew a career in law was not what I wanted but I’d gone this far along I kept going. Along with job hunting, I was writing constantly and entering a plethora of competitions as well as trying to make it ‘work’ in different areas of my life. I was on my ‘grind’ on my ‘hustle’.
Fast forward several years on and I still feel exhausted. I’m still hustling, I’m still grinding.
Last week I worked out every single day, managed this blog and my new one, and attempted to put my baby photography skills to the test.
The pressure to constantly be busy is draining. When I’m not exercising, or writing or taking pictures for my blog I feel like I’m failing. I can’t confidently say that I’m taking active steps to not want to be super busy all the time but I am acknowledging the fact that maybe I have been brainwashed to believe that my worth is significantly tied to how busy I am.
I find myself turning my nose up at people I don’t believe are ‘doing’ enough and then seconds later I feel so ashamed of myself. I find myself switching off from Instagram because I can’t believe so and so’s blog is really taken off and then beating myself up for not spending all my free time ‘working hard’.
Part of my reason for wanting to do a solo trip this year was to unwind and now I’m thinking about all the productive things I can do with said trip and even how I can monetise it.
The pressure to be productive can mean that self-care takes a back seat. I must believe that I exist to be more than just a ‘productive’ member of society. I must believe that my down time is just as valuable as the days when I work a 9-5 and every other ‘hustle’ I think I need to be successful. I must find ways of removing myself from the head space which tells me that I cannot be valuable of I’m not constantly tired and doing things which I both love and hate to ‘make it’.
I’m going to encourage myself to take a breather every time I feel like the walls are closing in to remind myself that success is measured in many ways. I want to take better care of myself and my overall health. I don’t know how much ‘slowing’ down that I can muster, but I believe the hustle is con. I do not exist to be milked of all my resources. I can take a day off and do nothing if I wish, I can afford to put ME first. The grind does and will sleep.