I feel like I’ve done many adulting type things this week for which I am extremely proud. I’ve said YES to a networking event for my job (I hate those with a passion), I said NO to biscuits because I was very full and didn’t need them (I knooowwww …. very adult), stayed on top of the news and I’ve also scheduled some events I would never have attended in the past.
Emotionally I’m continuing to navigate negative feelings even on days when everything in my being screams *HIDE MOTHERFUCKER*.
For me, getting older means getting sexier, cementing my individuality, finding and hopefully fulfilling my purpose. It also means speaking my mind and holding steadfast to things I deem true.
More important than being an AILF (Auntie I’d like to bleep) is the need to continually acknowledge that the bad days are part of life. We would not be complex wonderful beings if we didn’t have to navigate complex feelings.
Treading through self-doubt, shame and regret is by no means fun but is the way that things go. My recovery time for beating myself up for shit is now much quicker. I accept the feelings that come with my actions and actively unpack them no matter how raw and exposed I feel, even to myself.
My relationship with my body for instance has come leaps and bounds because the suppressed feelings are no longer supressed. They bubble at the surface and I can see those feelings, smell those feelings. Sometimes it’s not just me who is exposed to those feelings, everyone is privy to them, via this blog and via the deliberate, intentional and honest conversations with the people around me. My body my rules basically!
I can tell myself that I’m not okay. I can allow myself a not so brilliant week to process, to be, to maybe just wallow, but I acknowledge that. I don’t give myself a time-table with which to ‘get over it’. I am as deliberate and intentional in enjoying the ups as I am dealing with the downs.
We live in such crazy times; the leader of the free world is calling Nazis ‘fine people’ and the unrest in parts of Africa is overwhelming. It has never felt so easy to be connected yet feel so distant from the madness. A big part of adulting for me has included getting over the fear of not being everyone’s cup of tea. It is such a freeing experience to say what you feel and feel what you say. An even bigger part of adulting has been unlearning things which I’ve held on to for so long. It is okay to be wrong and accept that you aren’t always considered in your analysis of different situations.
I guess what I’m trying to say, well what I’ve been attempting to say over the last two days that I’ve been writing this post hence why it’s a tad all over the shop, is that it’s okay to embrace adulting in many ways. Say yes to that networking event, challenge your views, watch the news, resist cookies if they make you gassy at 3pm in the afternoon whilst you’re typing up that report (note to self).
Growth isn’t always linear.