i need a kim k cry

It’s not even 11am and I’m having a stinker of a day, I’ve “accidentally” stepped on a few toes on the underground and muttered more obscenities under my breath this morning than I have all year. I am livid. As always, I’ve checked my period calendar so I know that a good chunk of how I’m feeling is down to my hormones doing the cha-cha slide through my body.

On another day, the fact that a co-worker made a sly dig at me would roll off my back, today I’m so enraged I’m still debating if I want to lavish them with gifts of passive-aggressiveness or body slam them through the office front door. The thought of the latter made me smile a little, but it’s good, I can handle this.

I want to embrace not being okay this morning because “c’est la vie” “peaks and troughs” and “this too shall pass” but I am very uncomfortable feeling like this. I want to have a good cry, an ugly Kim K cry, a cry where the sobs rack your body into submission. Submission that you too are human and a bad day or week or month is a given.

I haven’t had that good cry just yet and I’m doubtful that it’s coming today. Instead, I am processing my feelings by treading through them with zero elegance. I’m huffing and puffing-, typing extra loud as I write this and generally sighing every nanosecond. This unrefined release is laced in equal measure of amusement on how grumpy I feel and sadness over how confident I am that the day can’t and won’t be salvaged.

On another front, I feel like resilience and being “strong” is overrated. The amount of shit that people will put you through because they believe you possess some type of unwavering strength is comical. Performing intense amounts of emotional labour is exhausting and can sometimes leave you feeling hollow. Reserve some of that emotional labour for yourself when you need it most.

For the rest of the day I might just carry on huffing and puffing. I might just get on with it as pleasantly as I can whilst resentment and frustration steep in my being. I may decide to forget about the brewing argument with my mum this morning or I might charge home with feelings yet to be resolved both internally and externally.

I don’t quite have the answers to getting through today. I’m wading through the banalities of today with emotional uncertainty- and somehow that’s okay by me. Tomorrow is another day.



‘The grind doesn’t sleep’ ‘Go hard or go home’ ‘Show up and show out’- all quotes we hear constantly which indicate that life is or should be a never-ending battle and a fight to the death. Whilst I like the idea of working hard and chasing one’s dreams by any means necessary, I am acutely aware that this type of mentality can affect my mental well-being and peace of mind.

The day I checked my Law school results, I drank two bottles of wine all before 12 noon because I couldn’t face failing. I had re-sat my business law exam and I had to pass, otherwise I would be doing it all over again- and that simply wasn’t an option. I passed, thankfully and spent the rest of the day sobbing my eyes out and trying to mitigate my eventual hangover.

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If you’re tired of being a third wheel, having to schedule your orgasms or waiting for all the members in your group chat to decide if they want to deep dive into the ocean or a pool of men in this year’s holiday this might just be the post for you.

In very simple terms you can’t wait for someone else to ‘complete you’ because you may be waiting ages, or in fact be asking someone else to provide fulfilment that you on your own two strong feet can provide for yourself.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be nestled in the arms of a strong free thinking, dreadlocked brother with an affinity for equality and eating waakye on Sundays, but on a Thursday evening when the weather is muggy and annoying, a cold pillow will suffice.

The road to self-discovery is riddled with uncertainty for everyone and it is tempting to hinge your growth on the idea that you will be much better off not doing it solo. There are so many things you can learn about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses when the only energy present during said self-discovery is yours. Do you like croissants because the way Dave chews on them sends your lady parts a-flutter or is the soft buttery pastry YOUR idea of a good time? Awful analogy, I know but you see where I’m going with it.

Whilst you’re waiting (or maybe not) for prince or princess charming (doesn’t exist we are all flawed beyond measure) you have the perfect opportunity to solidify your individuality, you get to be Afia, that strong swimmer whose eye liner is always wonky but has character. You get to be a strong YOU before you also become Afia, that strong swimmer whose eye liner is always wonky but has character and is also so and so’s other half.

Whilst you’re waiting to be coupled up with someone who makes your life better don’t forget to buy yourself flowers, shower yourself with gifts and take yourself to lunch. The first time I went to lunch alone I pretended that I was waiting for someone all the way through lunch, these days I relish being able to drink diet coke in peace and not have to hear that it’s frying my insides or here a million reasons why vegan food is nonsense.

Whilst you’re waiting for a travel buddy to hashtag #coupletravelgoals with schedule your own holiday. If you’re a chicken like me start off with a trip some where local with an activity for one. Walk at your own pace, take pictures and talk to strangers- essentially, do your own thing, free of constraint, free of restraint.

And on that muggy Thursday night when you’re hugging that cold pillow tight, schedule your own orgasm (I hope my mother NEVER reads this blog). You don’t need Asumasi who you have a ‘deep connection’ with but somehow that depth doesn’t manifest physically. Invest in your pleasure and set your own rules. You don’t like to get on top? Well guess what? You don’t have to!

That need to be coupled up to get shit done and to reach our ‘final form’ is played out and old. Subscribe to the idea that life goes on with or without someone to wear matching jumpers with at Christmas.


4 things I need to stop judging myself for

This post is 100% inspired by one I read on thebodyisnotanapology.com which is a website I absolutely adore. As with everything in life the peaks and troughs of this period in my life have been taxing to say the least. One minute I am self- assured, confident and ready to take on the world, the next I’m a basket full of self-doubt and insecurity.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to be happy, ‘strong’ (both physically and mentally) and to bounce back quickly when life gets all too much. That’s all unnecessary pressure if you ask me because I hardly ever want to accept that it’s okay to not be okay. I might preach it but deep down if I’m not whizzing through my daily/weekly/monthly to-do list I feel like I’ve let myself down.

There are quite a few things I have judged and still judge myself for and in the interest of dissecting these feelings, here we go:

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This weekend the Afrobeats Karaoketeam celebrated their two-year anniversary with a roof top all dayer party. If there’s good vibes, good people, and good music then you know I’m there- and this was certainly a good vibe, good times type of affair. If you interested in belting out your favourite Wiz Kid and Sarkodie tunes every other Thursday, then you can catch the Afrobeats Karaoke crew at ‘The Lighthouse’ EC2A 3AY!

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