I’m exhausted. I feel drained in every way possible, every way imaginable. After a good but jerky at times start to the year I’ve decided to hit the reset button and start the year all over again so Happy Freaking New Year!
I’ve ummed and ahh’d about this post because I’ve simply not had the energy to articulate myself and I still don’t but here’s a little sumn sumn.
I talk about anxiety all the time because I live with it, even when it’s not consuming me It’s lingering in the background waiting to pounce. Sometimes I cope well and sometimes I don’t.
A lot of the time people don’t know that I feel unwell because I don’t show it. I’m not hiding it, I’m just functioning and functioning well. I get called ‘the fun one’ all the time. Sometimes I put the way I’m feeling on the back burner so everyone else can have a good time, but I’m not always the fun one. Sometimes I’m:
The depressed one
The tired one
The overwhelmed one
The one that is ashamed of having suicidal thoughts
The one that can’t wait to go home and sleep
The one that is exhausted of having to down another glass of wine because I’m scared the funny will wear off
The one that can’t sleep because of panic attacks
The list goes on! Whilst this very self-serving post like most (see what I did there) is meant to help me get through some not so amazing days by way of venting and putting thoughts to paper, what I’m also trying to say is it’s okay to not always be the fun one. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to play the part we or our family and/or friends have assigned to us. It’s perfectly okay to not feel okay, self-preservation is key, put yourself first because there’s no shame in being:
The one that just wants to take a step back and relax
The one that skips out on a party because they’d rather sit in and watch a movie
The one that knows there’s no shame in asking and accepting help if you’re struggling to cope
There is absolutely no shame in accepting that sometimes you’re not who everyone wants you to be. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself you can’t even cope. Sometimes you have to tap out and sit some shit out. Being wise means being able to discern when your energy is best spent not being spent. Being a superhero is overrated. Namaste~