I recently read an article titled ‘Romantic love is killing us’: https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/romantic-love-is-killing-us/ which I thoroughly enjoyed and would recommend that everyone read, single or not.
It was eye opening in the fact that it helped me process things I knew I felt but wasn’t entirely sure how to articulate in my brain. The question ‘who takes care of us when we are single?’ definitely had me thinking and ultimately recognising my own privilege.
As a (kinda) single lass (we’ll talk about that another day lol), I can relate to the feelings of being lonely sometimes. Whilst I have many single friends, my closest friends are married or have been coupled up for a long time. Where I recognise my privilege and I’m very thankful is that I don’t quite feel like they have completely deprioritised our friendship to prioritise their relationships.
My mother and other friends often ask ‘I thought so and so was married’. They can’t quite wrap their heads around the fact that we still spend so much time together and even the most mundane tasks and conversations are often shared with each other.
‘How was your day?’ ‘Fancy dinner?’ Texting all day, planning holidays all year, helping me when I’m unwell. I enjoy the privilege of enjoying a life shared with my close friends because surprisingly they haven’t reserved that kind of care exclusively for their husbands/boyfriends. Now don’t get me wrong my best mates and I are not joined at the hip, and there are days when I ultimately take a back seat- and rightly so (I think).
Now does everyone have the privilege of not being shoved in a corner when their close friends/family get boo’d up- No. They find that kind of care is reserved and they are not given a decent enough slice of that ‘I care about you’ pie which we all need.
‘Well just love yourself, be strong, be tough’- Now is that enough? Can that get us through the tough times when everyone else is partnered up and ‘self-love’ can’t quite get you through a sick day? We need each other. A lot of your friends are suffering, maybe in silence maybe not. It’s easy to get caught up in our own lives and partnerships and forget that it’s not just romantic love that our friends who feel singled out are asking for.
The article explored other issues of ‘sexual capital’ and how politicised who we give our love to is. Those themes are definitely better articulated in that article and as I said worth the read. Your friends need love, we are all guilty of reserving our affections, rationing it, prioritising it but it doesn’t have to be that way~ Namaste.