I wish i could channel the excitement I felt when I first handed in my notice at work. My crazy new boss was doing my head in but the promise of a fresh exciting start made me almost forget that I constantly felt like throwing her out of the window. Trepidation turned into bliss and once I was out of my director’s office the feeling was euphoric, I had finally done it!
Fast forward to today sat in my bed in Accra, I have knots in my stomach and it all feels a bit….well…overwhelming. The fear of failure constantly looms over my head and what felt like the bravest thing I had done in a while is starting to feel like a rushed effort to change the course of my life.
I feel far away from home. Even thinking that makes me feel guilty because I am at home. This is home. I miss my nephews terribly and the day my sister texted me ‘come home’ I cried for hours on end.
The support from my friends and family has been amazing and probably the only reason why I’m firmly holding on the the belief that I too can be successful starting anew, or at least that I can try. I want to be brave because being brave is an amazing thing but I don’t want anything I decide from here on out to feel like failure.
For now I’m throwing myself into new projects, enjoying the warmth of the people around me and basking in that special sunlight that i haven’t properly enjoyed in 13 years. I’m not worried about crying some more, I’m almost not worried about saying that I am unsure about the future. I’m just ready to find home- wherever that is.