If you’re tired of being a third wheel, having to schedule your orgasms or waiting for all the members in your group chat to decide if they want to deep dive into the ocean or a pool of men in this year’s holiday this might just be the post for you.

In very simple terms you can’t wait for someone else to ‘complete you’ because you may be waiting ages, or in fact be asking someone else to provide fulfilment that you on your own two strong feet can provide for yourself.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be nestled in the arms of a strong, free thinking, dreadlocked brother with an affinity for equality and eating waakye on Sundays, but on a Thursday evening when the weather is muggy and annoying, a cold pillow will suffice.

The road to self-discovery is riddled with uncertainty for everyone and it is tempting to hinge your growth on the idea that you will be much better off not doing it solo. There are so many things you can learn about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses when the only energy present during said self-discovery is yours. Do you like croissants because the way Dave chews on them sends your lady parts a-flutter or is the soft buttery pastry YOUR idea of a good time? Awful analogy, I know but you see where I’m going with it.

Whilst you’re waiting (or maybe not) for prince or princess charming (doesn’t exist, we are all flawed beyond measure) you have the perfect opportunity to solidify your individuality, you get to be Afia, that strong swimmer whose eye liner is always wonky but has character. You get to be a strong YOU before you also become Afia, that strong swimmer whose eye liner is always wonky but has character and is also so and so’s other half.

Whilst you’re waiting to be coupled up with someone who makes your life better don’t forget to buy yourself flowers, shower yourself with gifts and take yourself to lunch. The first time I went to lunch alone I pretended that I was waiting for someone all the way through lunch, these days I relish being able to drink diet coke in peace and not have to hear that it’s frying my insides or hear a million reasons why vegan food is nonsense.

Whilst you’re waiting for a travel buddy to hashtag #coupletravelgoals with, schedule your own holiday. If you’re a chicken like me start off with a trip some where local with an activity for one. Walk at your own pace, take pictures and talk to strangers- essentially, do your own thing, free of constraint, free of restraint.

And on that muggy Thursday night when you’re hugging that cold pillow tight, schedule your own orgasm (I hope my mother NEVER reads this blog). You don’t need Asumasi who you have a ‘deep connection’ with but somehow that depth doesn’t manifest physically. Invest in your pleasure and set your own rules. You don’t like to get on top? Well guess what? You don’t have to!

That need to be coupled up to get shit done and to reach our ‘final form’ is played out and old. Subscribe to the idea that life goes on with or without someone to wear matching jumpers with at Christmas.




  1. DelaliQ
    July 18, 2017 / 8:18 pm

    Every post you put up is such a gem. Thank you, I can breathe a little easier with this

    • Helen
      July 19, 2017 / 4:29 pm

      so glad you enjoyed it! xxxx

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